The great thing about xanga is that the featured posts have hundreds of comments, providing a forum with a good chance of having every initial viewpoint(if not completely argued out back and forth and followed through on), to hear from. You could argue that it's a specific population, and you'd be right to a degree; a population limited to net-savvy, possibly comment-prone bloggers. Or, (AKA), people with too much time on their hands. Either or, it's still a good look at a discussion.

So the real reason I found Somekoreanchick's xanga (http://www.xanga.com/somekoreanchick), was that she was featured for the post below . And when I read it (Testify!) I realized how messed up it was. I actually encouraged her to be more open-minded!  I think I probably would have done that before too, but reading this post kind of made me realize retrospectively AND immediately how restrictive and blinding focusing negatively on one issue can be on your entire life. That said, the youtube link she posted of the female asian(i'm just going to write femasian from now on) comic definitely had me wincing : http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ft_kY5KgCnE
("just the look at the title of the video! then she says "asian women are dangerous......i'm not even asian, I'm american...asian men are going extinct...."....then again, sadly, maybe looks are all she's got going for her, since a truly comedic actor would have delivered these for laughs....)

Anyway, we're moving on.


Here's her post :

• Why I will Never Date a White Guy: Asian Girl/White Guy Not for Me.

  ** Disclaimer:  This might offend some people.  And if it DOES offend you, I probably wouldn’t like you anyway.  So in the words of the illustrious Tupac, “I don’t give a f**k.”  Read at your own risk.

   

   

  Last week at work, a white male co-worker was shocked when I told him that I prefer dating Korean/Asian men.  When I then pointed out that all my ex-boyfriends have been Korean, he was literally stunned.

   

  STUNNED.  He acted as though I had made a huge sacrifice by forgoing the opportunity to be with a white guy, also known as “God’s gift to women” in his eyes (gag me now). 

   

  Little did I know that my nonchalant, casual comment would soon spread like wildfire.  I had people coming up to me (both men and women) saying, “Is it really true that you only date Asian guys?”  They treated my casual comment on my dating preference as a true shocker of the year.  In my humble opinion, there is no way that such a reaction (shock, stunned, surprised, etc) would have occurred if I were, say Jewish or Black, and said that I preferred Jewish or Black men.  So why is it such a shocker that I, as an Asian woman, would prefer dating an Asian man?  Because this country has had a long (and I mean LONG) history of desexualizing and trivializing Asian men to the point that the masses just accept these stereotypes as being true.  Let’s face it – Asian guys do have it a lot harder in this country than Asian women.  Asian women have a history of being portrayed and seen as the sweet, submissive, Me-Love-You-Long- Time girl.  And on the flip side, we have been viewed as being overly sexual for the white man’s pleasure (again, gag me now). 

   

   

   

   

  Hollywood stereotypes stemming from characters like Long Duck Dong in  Sixteen Candles have caused irreparable harm to the image of an Asian guy in this country (F**k you, John Hughes). 

   

     

   

   

  While white men were the white knight, capable of saving the day AND getting the girl, the Asian guy was just the chump or the one-dimensional moron incapable of being attractive.   

   

  However, growing up in a heavily Asian populated city, I always had Korean/Asian friends.  I socialized with them, watched Korean dramas and idolized Korean boybands.  In other words, I had an ALTERNATIVE viewpoint from Hollywood and the white man’s land that showed me that Asian men CAN be sexy, gallant, generous, talented, multifaceted and complex.  My alternative media showed me different portrayals of Korean/Asian men not shown in America, which allowed me to not buy into the stereotypes and ridiculous bullshit that was being sold. 

   

  What you looking at?

   

   

  However, I have noticed that some Asian women DO buy into that shit.  And it’s both sad and irritating.  While I have nothing against two random people falling in love by chance (Asian/White/Black/Whatever), I DO think it’s pathetic and lame when an Asian American woman proclaims, “I only date white men” or “I don’t date Asian guys.”  Not only do I think it’s pathetic, I think they sound pathetic and just really, really stupid.  Then when you ask these women why, they list a bunch of reasons that sounds more like it came from Hollywood Stereotypes 101 (unintentionally affirming that yes, they really ARE that stupid). 

   

  The truth is, I would never want to date a white guy because I would never want to be perceived by the outside world as being THAT girl.  Yes, I will sound like a bitch but fuck it, let me be honest -  I wouldn’t want to walk with my white boyfriend in public for fear of looking like THAT girl.  And I don’t want to be a seen as someone who bought into the bullshit that white media have been trying to sell about Asian guys for decades. 

   

   One of my biggest fears is looking like this idiot to the outside world if I were to date a white guy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ft_kY5KgCnE

   

  Seriously, readers, what sucks more? Racist idiots or the self-loathing folks so desperate to sell out their own people and culture for white approval?  Hmmm…tough call, ain’t it?  (I choose the latter). 

   

  Let’s not forget that (in my own experience), the white guys who ARE into Asian girls tend to be Creepy.  Weird.  Losers.  Weird.  Dorks. And Weird.  Personally, a cool white guy has never approached me because these objectively cool white guys have plenty of options (mostly other cool white women).  They don’t need to look outside their own dating pool to dip into some Suzie-Wong- Me-Love –You-Long-Time action.  And if I hear “I once dated an Asian girl” come out of another white guy’s mouth as his opening line, I just might punch him.    So if my choice is between some weird, creepy, stereotype-clutching white guy or holding out for my Asian prince (see below, Mr. Coffee Prince, July 4, haha), I will hold out for my prince any day of the week. 

   

  And of course there’s the convenience factors – a Korean/Asian guy is more likely to understand my own struggles as a minority in the industry and in this country; we will likely enjoy eating the same foods (even if it’s kimchee everyday); and hopefully, he will be able to communicate with my parents and the rest of my family… at the very least, understand what they are saying OR implicitly understand the cultural values that are almost innate to us. 

   

  Plus, I am attracted to Asian guys...and no, NOT LONG DUCK DONG. 

   

  ** Note:  I have nothing against interracial dating...but it is just not for me.  Furthermore, these rules don't apply to Asian men who score non-Asian women.  Kudos to them for finding someone who isn't blindly following the definition of what an Asian man is "supposed to be." 

   

   

   

   

  • 4:04 AM
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"I think most people who maintain blogs are doing it for some of the same reasons I do: they like the idea that there’s a place where a record of their existence is kept — a house with an always-open door where people who are looking for you can check on you, compare notes with you and tell you what they think of you. Sometimes that house is messy, sometimes horrifyingly so. In real life, we wouldn’t invite any passing stranger into these situations, but the remove of the Internet makes it seem O.K."

From some girl talking about blogging : Sarah Gould - NYTimes

We adopt different personas under different guises....

A couple people who read my last post wanted to know what was up, if I'm "ok". I guess I'm alright, I don't really know. I mean I vacillate between feeling "chill" and imagining future paths and wondering what the point is for any of them.  I wonder if this is my average state of being, if I'm just kind of a melancholy guy, or if it's bad. I don't know. That's all I can say. I know I'm responsible for what I can control so hopefully through that things'll look up. I think the most important thing is to get out of my head. Anyway thanks to everyone for your care and keeping me around.

Daniel Goleman(the guy who popularized emotional IQ) wrote a new book called Stumbling on Happiness based on his research on our quest to be "happy". Here's a summary of what he found :

1)      We often exaggerate in imagining the long- term emotional effects certain events will have on us.

2)      Most of us tend to have a basic level of happiness which we revert to eventually.

3)      People generally err in imagining what will make them happy.

4)      People tend to find ways of rationalizing unhappy outcomes so as to make them more acceptable to themselves.

5)      People tend to repeat the same errors in imagining what will make them happy.

6)      Events and outcomes which we dread may when they come about turn into new opportunities for happiness.

7)      Many of the most productive and creative people are those who are continually unhappy with the world- and thus strive to change it.

8)      Happiness is rarely as good as we imagine it to be, and rarely lasts as long as we think it will. The same mistaken expectations apply to unhappiness.

"Our desire to control is so powerful, and the feeling of being in control so rewarding, that people often act as though they can control the uncontrollable," Gilbert writes, as he reveals how ill-equipped we are to properly preview the future, let alone control it. Unfortunately, he claims, neither personal experience nor cultural wisdom compensates for imagination's shortcomings. In concluding chapters, he discusses the transmission of inaccurate beliefs from one person's mind to another, providing salient examples of universal assumptions about human happiness such as the joys of money and of having children. He concludes with the provocative recommendation that, rather than imagination, we should rely on others as surrogates for our future experience.